Breaking free from the cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing
Your mind and body might be seriously affected if you always need to be flawless and satisfy others. You may experience extreme stress, worry, and even burnout. It can result in a variety of health complications. It's vital to look after yourself occasionally and not always put others first.
Breaking free from this cycle can be a difficult and ongoing process, but it is possible with the right tools and support. Here is what you can help individuals struggling with perfectionism and people-pleasing behaviors:
Recognize the problem
The first step in escaping the vicious cycle of people-pleasing and perfectionism is acknowledging that it is a problem that needs to be solved. You should be aware of these habits' effects on your physical and emotional health and decide to stop them.
Challenge your beliefs
You may hold rigid views about who you are and how things should be if you strive to be flawless or make others happy. But it's wise to reflect on alternative viewpoints and ask whether these beliefs are realistic. That way, you might be able to see things in a different, more helpful way.
Set realistic goals
Setting objectives that reflect what you cherish will help you feel less pressure to achieve perfection and please everyone. Make sure those goals are doable and split them into smaller tasks. Try rewarding yourself after making a milestone to feel good about your progress.
Practice self-compassion
Having self-compassion is one way that you may show kindness to yourself and help mitigate the effects of perfectionism. To do this, you must be patient and kind to yourself whenever you have setbacks. Try talking to yourself in a kind and encouraging manner as a means to cultivate the practice of self-compassion. Remember that there is no such thing as a flawless person and that it is perfectly OK to make errors occasionally.
Get better at saying "no."
When you have a strong desire to help others, it can be challenging to turn down their requests, even if they're not urgent. However, this inclination can be unlearned just like any other behavior. It's crucial to practice saying "no" and focusing on your own needs and values to improve your ability to establish boundaries, even if it sometimes feels selfish. However, please communicate your decision respectfully without being impolite for the other person to understand your standpoint.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness entails being fully present and attentive to the current moment without judging or evaluating it. You can cultivate mindfulness by directing your attention to your breath, bodily sensations, or environment. Studies have demonstrated that practicing mindfulness can decrease anxiety and enhance self-awareness.
Learn to live with imperfections
It can be challenging for perfectionists to admit that they, or anybody else, can err. However, keep in mind that making mistakes is natural. Imperfection is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Take care of yourself
Trying to please others and achieve perfection could prove harmful to your health. Ensure you're getting enough rest, eating healthily, and keeping yourself physically fit frequently to keep yourself in good shape. Don't forget to schedule some time for things that make you happy.
Celebrate your strengths
If you tend to be a people-pleaser or strive for perfection, you may frequently focus on your flaws. However, it's crucial to acknowledge your strengths and abilities. Recognize the value you bring to the world and appreciate your positive traits and skills. It's essential to understand that these qualities are sufficient, and you do not have to stretch yourself beyond your limits.
Seek help
It could be difficult to quit the people-pleasing and perfectionist habits. Speak with those who you can trust, whether they are close friends, relatives, or counselors. Seek professional help where necessary. Therapy may help you comprehend the causes of these behaviors and create healthier coping mechanisms.
I, myself, am a therapist who can struggle with perfectionistic tendencies. I’m frequently pulled to do better, show up as my “best self,” and never ever ever under any circumstances make a mistake or be seen as flawed.
While that part of me still exists, I’ve been able to learn ways to say “no” to this part and find more balance and peace.
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About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
